My thoughts on twitter

A few weeks ago, a pal of mine was nonchalantly showing off her iphone (as iphoners are app-t to do). But instead of making the device perform useless tricks like some circus sideshow, she pointed the phone towards Mariah Carey's twitter page. It was full of updates from my arch nemesis herself that ranged from inane (I don't care if your new puppy ran on the lawn for the first time) to absolutely infuriating (why does that crazy bitch get to meet Desmond Tutu?!?!). I waved my hand in disgust, announcing that anything Mariah Carey was involved in, besides the "two or more races" box we regrettably share on the census, I certainly would not be.

So of course I went home and immediately signed up for twitter (can't let her win!).

For those of you technological laggards, twitter is a new social networking service that lets users send and read other people's updates. Tweets are short posts, basically like facebook profile updates except that you do not need to be digital friends to see other people's posts.

This is only mildly interesting if you are following your little sister (I don't really care how much she loves shaggy indie rock guys). It is amusing when you follow Vin Diesel (e-v-e-r-y post has a spelling mistake. and they're only 140 characters long, poor baby). It is laugh-out-loud funny when you follow Soulja Boy, who tweets almost constantly about cougars after his loving, xbox, cell phones, hotel rooms, and just how generally awesome he is. Just when this becomes maddening though, he says he's trying to learn The Stock Market (in caps, how endearing).

But the magic of twitter is not the celebrity stalking, however enjoyable. Twitter at its best is a race against the the 140 characters: Can you shave all of your wit and snarkyness down to one sentence? Can you be original and hilarious in two lines?? What if Tina Fey just happens to check out your twitter page and the most recent post is "Off to the gym" or "Doing laundry"? You'll certainly never get hired to write for 30 Rock with that drivel!

Unfortunately, I don't have the twitter touch - yet (Tina, please give me another chance!). But the ones who do make you wonder why humor should ever be longer than a sentence. For example, the New Yorker magazine just printed the unedited tweets of Roland Headly, a Fox news correspondent, in their latest issue. He's a republican asshole...and also a very funny man and skilled twitterer.

So say whatever you want luddites, but if the New Yorker and Fox News are embracing twitter, I'm afraid this innovation is here to stay. Best to put down the quill pens and complain about the demise of modern society in witty one liners on the internet.