Jigga, My Slave-a

Some publishers recently replaced all 219 instances of the word "Nigger" with "Slave" in Huckleberry Finn. I really hated that book in high school, so feel no need to defend its preservation on literary terms, nor in any ACLU-ish, freedom of speech kind of way.

It does make me wonder, however, what would happen if we replaced all occurrences of the word Nigger (including, Nigga, Niggaz, and NIGGA$) with the word Slave in every area of popular culture - movies, music, television, etc.?

(Insert ascending chimes and fuzzy screen as we enter the dream sequence)

- Jay-Z would immediately create a new stage name: Jay-V (rhymes much better with slavey) AKA Young Toby

- An immediate stop to all Kanye record sales. Who would want to pay that dude to call people slaves?

- Funkmaster Flex would put out a mix tape called "Most Traumatic Slave Syndrome!" Straight fire.

- Samuel L. Jackson would still be a very well paid actor

- Cornell West would marry Nikki Minaj (ok, maybe a bit of a non sequitur, but wouldn't that be funny!?)

- The Boondocks wouldn't quite be so funny anymore

- The metaphor of neighborhood block to auction block no longer subtle, Dead Prez would be out of a job

- Tyler Perry would make peace with himself and stop dressing up as Big Mammy (a girl can dream, right?)

- White people would then be afraid to use the word Slave, effectively rendering the education of American History impossible