Remember when biggie asked if he could lace his lyrical douches? This blog is kind of like that, except that I would never compare myself to the late great Christopher Wallace. And douching is actually really bad for you.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Lose my number, rap music
Some confessions:
- There is no rap music in my iTune's top 20 most played songs.
- I am referring to it as "rap music."
- I did not read Decoded yet.
- I cannot name all of Niki Minaj's multiple personalities.
Truth is, rap has given me musical blue balls like you couldn't imagine. I'm tired of the chasing, the teasing, the disappointment. I haven't given up forever, but... I guess we are taking a break.
In the meantime, this is what I am listening to these days:
While I don't care for his bravado, I like Kanye's outbursts, his inappropriateness, the unflinching commitment to self (and secret self loathing). I am also thankful for the 808's album, which helped me through a messy time when an "It's Complicated" got even moreso (they say autotune is the whale song of a broken heart).
So although I wouldn't consider myself a Kanye hater, somewhere during the "Late Registration" years my interest began to wane. I'm actually certain I was in the middle of a ferocious air trumpet solo during "Touch the Sky" when it dawned on me that Kanye had no role in the greatness of that song. That is, no role beyond dusting off a Curtis Mayfield record and arranging it around a handsome bass beat.
We could debate the skill level needed to unearth and revive old records, for making old shit new and cool, the alchemy of modern sampling. We could, but we won't. Instead, take a listen to Kanye's new song "Runaway" (2010). Then (even at the risk of outing myself as an indie rock fan) take a listen to "Runaway" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2009). Listen again, this time imagining a hip hop beat behind the latter track. Repeat. Post comment.
Since school ended a little over a month ago, I haven't had any desire to blog. Once liberated slash graduated, it seems there was no need to be subversively sardonic on the internet. I had accepted the realization that Ovarian Mind Tricks was merely a reaction to all the time I spent trying to appropriately use phrases like "economies of scale" and "leverage your risk" while avoiding "fuck off you mindless pricks" and any mention of Chomsky or Fanon.
I was willing to let this blog fade peacefully into interweb history until Michael died and I discovered I have a lot of words inside of me still... Yes, everyone loved him - but to me Michael was like family. He was probably the weird uncle that you never quite felt comfortable being alone with in a room. But still, he was family and we loved him.
I've seen plenty of footage of Japanese people passing out at his concerts. The BBC interviewed distraught fans in Nairobi and Mumbai. A bloke in London babbled idiotically in shock over the news. But it really doesn't matter how many white kids moonwalked across the kitchen floor in their socks. He was OURS.
Michael Jackson was entirely and unequivocally a product of black amerika.
His skin bleaching (or skin disorder, however you'd prefer to look at it) and the hair straightening and the nose slimming are freakish but familiar to black folk. That perverted shit is something else altogether, but watching a beautiful and talented black person hate how they look and do everything in their power to change it? Yea, that's real life.
But these are not the conversations that people would like to have, as they nostalgically shamone! We miss you for your dancing and music and style and personal tragedy, and refuse to acknowledge the context from which you came. I guess you were right Michael, you really can't win...
I know I've told you this a million times, but I'm gonna say it again. I had M.I.A.'s first CD years and years ago. Back then, everyone would get in my car and say her music made their ears hurt (ehhh hemmm ex-boyfriend). I would reply, just wait - this is some NEXT shit!, despite the nay-sayers arguments otherwise. The fact that I worshiped her then as well as now relieves me from any condemnations of hipsterdem, so don't even try it.
Anyway, M.I.A. is dope. Who else wears a polka-dot maternity bikini dress while performing ON HER DUE DATE? I love you, I love you, I love you.
And while we're on the subject of my favorite grrrl singers who have inspired recent jay-z songs, I would also like to point your attention to Santogold. Yes, her songs have been featured in car commercials, 90210, and Gossip Girl. In fact, I have a half-written blog post on this topic from months ago. But no matter. She is also dope and no amount of commercialization can erase this. And again, since I liked her before all of those selloutish moves, I am exempt from your accusations.
Now, if we can only get an M.I.A. + Santogold + Frenchie collabo, we will really be making music history! Yeehaaaw.
If you think houston hip hop makes you feel out of touch, imagine two hours of watching Weezy talk. Yikes. Actually, movie critics at the Sundance film festival will be forced to do just that... Thats right, the official "Carter Documentary" will be featured at Sundance in January. In the film, Lil Wayne admits that he's been rapping about the same stuff (fucking, smoking, and guns) since he was 8. I don't know whether to be impressed with his precocious lyricism or be horrified at the undeniable proof that hip hop's vocabulary has been stunted around second grade.
I get into my rental car in San Antonio and the first thing I do, naturally, is scan the radio for the local rap station. I find it, wincing at the same Neyo song that's been playing non-stop in NY since 2003. I launch into a familiar rant about media consolidation, the commercialization of music, blah blah. But then, THIS song comes on. And I can say with confidence that regional hip-hop is actually alive and quite well in Texas. For better or for worse.
Two wonderful videos featuring Young Hov when he was just that. Rest assured kids, you too can grow out of those tight shorts and nerdy t-shirts into silk-lined blazers and purple label neckties.
Jaz & Jay-Z, The Originators - 1990
Did you know that Jay was on that BK pro-black righteous tip, even just for a minute?!
Another joint with Jaz, Hawaiian Sophie - 1989 Please peep the shorts.
He brushed off his shoulders during a major campaign speech. He told us he has Jigga on the Ipod. "Barry" even fits perfectly with a surprisingly long line of corny rapper birth names (Curtis, Earl, Clifford, Lonnie, Dennis, Marshall, Gary, Lawrence, etc**). So make good on your promises, B and put a little hip hip on the payroll!
Without further ado, you're now tuned in to the motherf--g greatest [white house cabinet ever]
Department of Agriculture: Fat Joe cuz my man can eat. and this might encourage him to at least pick up a side of green beans next time... runner up: Dead Prez (although i would not be happy with a mandatory lentil soup diet)
Department of Commerce: Jay-Z the wall street journal called him the new alan greenspan. he threw euros around in his music video. he's a business, not a man. (how awkward is this photo, though?) runner up: foxy brown, but only if she promises to use math from affirmative action
Department of Health & Human Services: KRS-one i think he's been lobbying for this position his entire career. now he can keep his self righteous lyrics to himself and focus on setting policy or something. runner up: i would have said chuck d, but his credibility has been seriously undermined by his former side kick and minstrel performer flavor flav, so i will nominate immortal technique instead
Department of Labor: Big Tymers they said, 'i got that work.' with unemployment at 6.5% and rising, we could use that kind of confidence in the job sector.
Department of Defense: Suge Knight except for that minor incident outside of some nightclub, no one is going to mess with suge knight. not mahmoud. not yong-il. not even osama is that dumb. runners up: M.O.P.
Department of Housing & Urban Development: Juvenile in all seriousness, can you think of anyone else - rapper or otherwise - who grew up in the projects and then owned/managed them? for better or for worse, magnolia projects were razed after katrina but juve would certainly be up for the job. and he could probably use the work. runner up: master p
Department of the Interior: Nas does anyone know what the department of the interior does? it's a good post for nasir because he isn't really good at anything in particular, but we want to keep him around. runner up: nature to run the national parks, papoose to liaise with american indians
Department of Transportation: Xzibit clearly he is committed to cutting emissions by any means necessary.
Department of Education: Soulja Boy hey, i know what you're thinking. but he knows how to talk to the yout. i'm sure if we give him a little time and guidance, he can figure out how to teach the periodic table with dances. (watch me hydrogen that chromium, oh!) runner up: kanye (he dropped out, but he went back! perfect guy to fight truancy.)
Department of Justice: Remy Ma it's important to have someone with an intimate knowledge of the criminal justice system runner up: ice-t (he plays a good cop on tv)
Department of the Treasury: 50 Cent he doesn't use words with more than two syllables, but 50's got ridiculous wealth (real wealth too, stocks and shit, not just oversized jewelry - though obviously he's got that too). as long as he doesn't spend the coffers at Fort Knox on steroids, I think we're okay. runner up: slick rick
Department of Veteran Affairs: Capone-n-Noreaga straight from iraq/lefrak, these guys know what it's like to survive a war. and they know how it feels to be a veteran (ie, you used to contribute to society, but now you just mutter to yourself on the seven train) runner up: Prodigy (shook ones need health insurance [part] too) or Boot Camp Clik
**If you can identify all the rappers on this list please leave a comment below. I will give you a special prize. And ask for your hand in marriage.
In all major life decisions, I only have to ask myself one question: WWSNPD - What Would Salt N Pepa Do? Whatever the situation, this song guides me above the conflict to a place of moral clarity.
Thanks, Salt. Thanks, Pep. Thanks, Spin. You will never know all the ways you have touched my life.
Track from Murs' new album. Unfortunately, I don't love this CD (I really wanted to) and I don't even love this song. But I think that there should be more rap songs telling guys to buy tampons for their girlfriends.
Ugh. Really? I don't want to... Oh man. Poor girl. Yikes. Oh no. Wait. Oh noooo. Whose baby is that? Oh my God. Get away from that child! Someone help that baby! Right now! Please help him!! Isn't there anyone in the studio?! Can't you see the baby's not moving??!! I can't even imagine what she's breathing on him. Liquor? Weed smoke? Penis breath?!!?!?! Oh...wait. Didn't she have a baby recently? Ohhhh...that's her baby. My bad.
I am not a newcomer to hip hop. I've been a fan for as long as I can remember liking music. Now that I think about it, I have distinct memories of singing "Push It" by salt n pepa at an alarmingly inappropriate age. Anyway, I am not surprised to hear Fat Joe call Daddy Yankee a sellout for endorsing John McCain. The insult brings up really interesting questions of culture and class in the US, ever-present themes in hip hop lyrics despite many critics' assertions otherwise. I won't get into defending that thesis here. The point is, as a devoted but sometimes beleaguered hip hop fan, I was amused to see one of rap's regulars address Yankee's endorsment. I read the first couple paragraphs of the MTV article and I gave the bronx rapper a solid head nod. But what was even more intriguing was the quote buried midway through the article:
"How could you want John McCain in office when George Bush and the Republicans already have half a million people losing their homes in foreclosure? We're fighting an unjust war. It's the Latinos and black kids up in the frontlines, fighting that war. ... We over here trying to take the troops out of Iraq and bring peace. This guy immediately wants war. If not with Iraq or Afghanistan, he'll start a new one with Iran. I feel real disgusted that Daddy Yankee would do that. Either he did that for a look, or he's just not educated on politics."
I hate to say this, but I was really surprised at his eloquence and political knowledge. No offense, Joseph, but foreclosures? Iran? That's what I'm talking about...! Apparently Joe was at the Democratic National Convention and loves him some Bill and Hillary. This almost makes up for the painful collabos with Ja Rule.
'Joe said he's more than willing to educate Yankee on each of the politicians' platforms. "If he believes John McCain is the better candidate for the Latinos," Joe said, "we could sit down. Even if he wants to get into a debate, we can debate anywhere — New York, Puerto Rico." '
This invitation leads me back to my initial question: Where are the directors of the infamous series BEEF, where rappers battle it out over whatever obscure disagreement they might have (ie, Who is the best skateboarding rapper? Who really got their feelings hurt when Rockafella broke up? Which rapper's name sounds more like a native american baby snuggly? etc etc). I'm trying to see the first ever rap-infused, reggaeton-inspired, political debate slash battle rap. Democrat vs Republican. Mainlaind vs Colony. NYC vs San Juan. Lean Back vs Gasolina. Fat vs Skinny. Guys, I've got the whole opening montage already figured out for you. Put in a call to hot 97 and lets get this thing going!
